Hello. My name is Steve, and I am an alcoholic.
I know that’s not a very original greeting, but it’ll do for now. Besides, it’s a very typical introduction for someone like me, albeit usually in a room full of struggling souls that are much like I am – trying to break the painful cycle of addiction that involves pain, regret, guilt, deception, and the unwillingness to face one’s problems with a clear mind and a hurting heart.
My chemical of choice was Southern Comfort which I usually purchased it in pint or half-pint bottles because they were easier to conceal. I would occasionally enhance or substitute the liquor with a prescription painkiller such as acetaminophen with codeine, gabapentin, or flexeril. Most-often I would just sneak drinks whenever I could do so without significant risk to myself or anyone else, such as when I knew I was home for the night and wouldn’t have to drive anywhere. Of course, the amounts I was consuming grew from tiny swigs to back-to-back mouthfuls and the frequency was getting more often with each passing day. What had once been the thing that was keeping me from losing my mind through a difficult period somehow transitioned into the thing that was causing me to lose my temper and my manners.
I needed to wait before I could start this journal because I really needed to get a better handle on my emotions and better management of my cravings. I’m still not very good with either of them, but I have enough of a grip on things that I’m actually able to type sentences without a slew of typos and the reactionary desire to smash the keyboard over my own head.
Earlier today I discovered an online Alcoholics Anonymous meeting forum that was surprisingly easy to get involved with. There are a great bunch of people there that are quick to welcome you and offer support. You can find that group here:
I apologize if this initial post is a bit rambling and lacking direction, but that’s about where my head is – all over the place. I promise that as I get better, so too will the writing.
Stay safe, stay sober, and God Bless.
Hello, My Name Is Steve 