Day 49: Keep Calm & Stay Sober

The closer my wife gets to losing her toes, the closer I get to losing my mind. And my patience. And my temper. And my self-control. I feel as though I am perpetually on the ragged edge of completely losing my shit. I'm angry that fate is being so unkind to my wife. I'm angry …

48 Days: Irascible Me

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. Trying to "work the steps" while your life is in chaos can be damn-near impossible. I can admit without reservation or hesitation that the aforementioned First Step just plain pisses me off. I tend to be regarded by some as …

47 Days by a Very Thin Thread

I just don't know what's going on with me. The other night, while I was stopping into a local convenience store to get cigarettes, I noticed a new flavor that piqued my curiosity. I bought a pack and the store clerk, whom I am friends with, remarked that finally someone he knew bought a pack …

42 Days: In Sickness And In Health

My wife spent a week in the hospital - half of that time in Intensive Care - being treated for a blood clot in her lower leg. What appears to be the inevitable outcome of this is that she will ultimately lose some, if not all, of her toes on one foot. She's being treated …

38 Days: Going Off The Rails

ALL ABOARD........ My sobriety almost stopped at 37 days. Almost. After what was not my best day at work I visited with my wife at the hospital. There was definitive improvement in her condition and she welcomed me with the news that she would be transferred out of ICU later in the evening. Though she …

35 Days: Sink or Swim

Last night I lamented that I felt like I traded my personality for my sobriety. In many ways that statement is completely true, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The identity that I left behind when I stopped drinking was not a man that I wanted to keep being. It was that of a …

Day 34: Me or Sobriety

I'm tired of my sobriety. I don't mean that in a "I'm going to have a few drinks" kind of way (even though I can honestly admit that I do want to drink). I mean that in the sense that I feel like my sobriety is all I have become anymore. I get that I'm …

Day 32: The Awkward Sobriety

I've been covering for my sick boss this week, so I've been getting up VERY early in the morning and heading to work hours before the sun peeks over the horizon. I'm not complaining about it; I worked a similar shift for years and with this position it's nice because I can get a lot …

The Big 3-0

Today is supposed to be something to celebrate: achieving thirty days of sobriety. The truth is that every day of sobriety is a battle won and a small victory. For many recovering addicts, today yields a bronze coin to commemorate the occasion, a token of accomplishment, and a small reminder that if you can make …

28 Days and Oblivion

I've been sober for four full weeks now and I can honestly say that I'm genuinely disaffected more than I am happy or unhappy. I'm maintaining a form of contented contempt for most things anymore. The problem with indifference is that while it can help you sustain a pretty even outlook on things, it does …