When you enter into recovery you learn that you are, in-fact, two different people in one body. That's not an assertion of mental illness, but a recognition of the reality that you are either a person that drinks and/or does drugs or you are a person that doesn't do those things. When you engage the … Continue reading Monster by Skillet
The closer my wife gets to losing her toes, the closer I get to losing my mind. And my patience. And my temper. And my self-control. I feel as though I am perpetually on the ragged edge of completely losing my shit. I'm angry that fate is being so unkind to my wife. I'm angry … Continue reading Day 49: Keep Calm & Stay Sober
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. Trying to "work the steps" while your life is in chaos can be damn-near impossible. I can admit without reservation or hesitation that the aforementioned First Step just plain pisses me off. I tend to be regarded by some as … Continue reading 48 Days: Irascible Me
I just don't know what's going on with me. The other night, while I was stopping into a local convenience store to get cigarettes, I noticed a new flavor that piqued my curiosity. I bought a pack and the store clerk, whom I am friends with, remarked that finally someone he knew bought a pack … Continue reading 47 Days by a Very Thin Thread
ALL ABOARD........ My sobriety almost stopped at 37 days. Almost. After what was not my best day at work I visited with my wife at the hospital. There was definitive improvement in her condition and she welcomed me with the news that she would be transferred out of ICU later in the evening. Though she … Continue reading 38 Days: Going Off The Rails
I'm sitting in the hospital's ICU where my wife is weathering another series of tests and procedures. She's resting peacefully right now, which is more than I can say of the past couple of nights for me, though I don't envy her the trials she is enduring. Her condition remains largely unchanged, even if her … Continue reading 37 Days Sober, 3 Days Tested
It doesn't surprise me that as I drove to Emergency Room in pursuit of the ambulance that was carrying my wife that I was conscious of all the liquor stores along the way. This has been a major reason for why I returned to drinking. I'm sitting in the Emergency Room now, wondering how serious … Continue reading Triggered in the Hospital
Last night I lamented that I felt like I traded my personality for my sobriety. In many ways that statement is completely true, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The identity that I left behind when I stopped drinking was not a man that I wanted to keep being. It was that of a … Continue reading 35 Days: Sink or Swim
I'm tired of my sobriety. I don't mean that in a "I'm going to have a few drinks" kind of way (even though I can honestly admit that I do want to drink). I mean that in the sense that I feel like my sobriety is all I have become anymore. I get that I'm … Continue reading Day 34: Me or Sobriety
Today is supposed to be something to celebrate: achieving thirty days of sobriety. The truth is that every day of sobriety is a battle won and a small victory. For many recovering addicts, today yields a bronze coin to commemorate the occasion, a token of accomplishment, and a small reminder that if you can make … Continue reading The Big 3-0
Hello, My Name Is Steve 