My wife is in post-op right now following a procedure that took her four smaller toes from her right foot. She was scared to death prior to the operation and expectedly upset that a clot in her leg ended up claiming some of her digits. She'll recover, of course, with time, patience, determination, and courage. … Continue reading Pieces of Her, Pieces of Me
When you enter into recovery you learn that you are, in-fact, two different people in one body. That's not an assertion of mental illness, but a recognition of the reality that you are either a person that drinks and/or does drugs or you are a person that doesn't do those things. When you engage the … Continue reading Monster by Skillet
The closer my wife gets to losing her toes, the closer I get to losing my mind. And my patience. And my temper. And my self-control. I feel as though I am perpetually on the ragged edge of completely losing my shit. I'm angry that fate is being so unkind to my wife. I'm angry … Continue reading Day 49: Keep Calm & Stay Sober
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. Trying to "work the steps" while your life is in chaos can be damn-near impossible. I can admit without reservation or hesitation that the aforementioned First Step just plain pisses me off. I tend to be regarded by some as … Continue reading 48 Days: Irascible Me
I just don't know what's going on with me. The other night, while I was stopping into a local convenience store to get cigarettes, I noticed a new flavor that piqued my curiosity. I bought a pack and the store clerk, whom I am friends with, remarked that finally someone he knew bought a pack … Continue reading 47 Days by a Very Thin Thread
I'm sitting in the hospital's ICU where my wife is weathering another series of tests and procedures. She's resting peacefully right now, which is more than I can say of the past couple of nights for me, though I don't envy her the trials she is enduring. Her condition remains largely unchanged, even if her … Continue reading 37 Days Sober, 3 Days Tested
I'm sitting in a hospital room, looking across to my wife, whom is heavily sedated and oblivious to my presence. She is resting peacefully, blissful in appearance, and I am thankful that, for the moment, she isn't writhing in agony like she was when I brought her here last night. In about an hour they'll … Continue reading 36 Days Sober – The Real Test
Last night I lamented that I felt like I traded my personality for my sobriety. In many ways that statement is completely true, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The identity that I left behind when I stopped drinking was not a man that I wanted to keep being. It was that of a … Continue reading 35 Days: Sink or Swim
I'm tired of my sobriety. I don't mean that in a "I'm going to have a few drinks" kind of way (even though I can honestly admit that I do want to drink). I mean that in the sense that I feel like my sobriety is all I have become anymore. I get that I'm … Continue reading Day 34: Me or Sobriety
Today is supposed to be something to celebrate: achieving thirty days of sobriety. The truth is that every day of sobriety is a battle won and a small victory. For many recovering addicts, today yields a bronze coin to commemorate the occasion, a token of accomplishment, and a small reminder that if you can make … Continue reading The Big 3-0
Hello, My Name Is Steve 