The closer my wife gets to losing her toes, the closer I get to losing my mind. And my patience. And my temper. And my self-control. I feel as though I am perpetually on the ragged edge of completely losing my shit. I'm angry that fate is being so unkind to my wife. I'm angry … Continue reading Day 49: Keep Calm & Stay Sober
I'm sitting in the hospital's ICU where my wife is weathering another series of tests and procedures. She's resting peacefully right now, which is more than I can say of the past couple of nights for me, though I don't envy her the trials she is enduring. Her condition remains largely unchanged, even if her … Continue reading 37 Days Sober, 3 Days Tested
It doesn't surprise me that as I drove to Emergency Room in pursuit of the ambulance that was carrying my wife that I was conscious of all the liquor stores along the way. This has been a major reason for why I returned to drinking. I'm sitting in the Emergency Room now, wondering how serious … Continue reading Triggered in the Hospital
Last night I lamented that I felt like I traded my personality for my sobriety. In many ways that statement is completely true, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The identity that I left behind when I stopped drinking was not a man that I wanted to keep being. It was that of a … Continue reading 35 Days: Sink or Swim
Inspired by BibleGateway.com's Verse of the Day is the following passage from the Book of Galatians (presented in my preferred King James Version as well as the New International Version for the purposes of simplification): Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that … Continue reading Galatians Anonymous
The truth of recovery from addiction to alcohol and/or drugs is that the statistics don't work in your favor. Your chances of relapsing and returning to your addiction range from 50% to 90% (depending on a lot of factors). When your best-case scenario is that you have a 1-in-2 chance of successfully recovering, you know … Continue reading Overcomer by Mandisa
It's difficult to tell how I should feel about things right now, and that alone is a concern. The longer I am on Seroquel and Zoloft the better my behavior has gotten... to a degree. I still haven't mastered the timing of when I take the Seroquel, which I use to help me sleep amid … Continue reading 20 Days Abstinent, 7 Days Doped
I started Seroquel (quetiapine) a few nights ago to help me sleep. Before that I was serving myself a strange little cocktail of Southern Comfort with diphenhydramine and a melatonin chaser. Without taking anything at bedtime my thoughts just keep racing and sleep won't happen unless I'm absolutely exhausted. The Seroquel more than did it's … Continue reading 15 Days Sober – A Trade-Off?
I've been listening to contemporary Christian music for years now and even been to a couple of Matthew West concerts (which were incredible, I should note). There are plenty of songs that speak about overcoming sin, finding God's Love in the darkest of times, and realizing who you are in Christ in a troubled and … Continue reading You Love Me Anyway by Sidewalk Prophets
Hello, My Name Is Steve 