The closer my wife gets to losing her toes, the closer I get to losing my mind. And my patience. And my temper. And my self-control. I feel as though I am perpetually on the ragged edge of completely losing my shit. I'm angry that fate is being so unkind to my wife. I'm angry … Continue reading Day 49: Keep Calm & Stay Sober
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. Trying to "work the steps" while your life is in chaos can be damn-near impossible. I can admit without reservation or hesitation that the aforementioned First Step just plain pisses me off. I tend to be regarded by some as … Continue reading 48 Days: Irascible Me
My wife spent a week in the hospital - half of that time in Intensive Care - being treated for a blood clot in her lower leg. What appears to be the inevitable outcome of this is that she will ultimately lose some, if not all, of her toes on one foot. She's being treated … Continue reading 42 Days: In Sickness And In Health
I'm sitting in the hospital's ICU where my wife is weathering another series of tests and procedures. She's resting peacefully right now, which is more than I can say of the past couple of nights for me, though I don't envy her the trials she is enduring. Her condition remains largely unchanged, even if her … Continue reading 37 Days Sober, 3 Days Tested
I'm sitting in a hospital room, looking across to my wife, whom is heavily sedated and oblivious to my presence. She is resting peacefully, blissful in appearance, and I am thankful that, for the moment, she isn't writhing in agony like she was when I brought her here last night. In about an hour they'll … Continue reading 36 Days Sober – The Real Test
It doesn't surprise me that as I drove to Emergency Room in pursuit of the ambulance that was carrying my wife that I was conscious of all the liquor stores along the way. This has been a major reason for why I returned to drinking. I'm sitting in the Emergency Room now, wondering how serious … Continue reading Triggered in the Hospital
Last night I lamented that I felt like I traded my personality for my sobriety. In many ways that statement is completely true, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. The identity that I left behind when I stopped drinking was not a man that I wanted to keep being. It was that of a … Continue reading 35 Days: Sink or Swim
Inspired by BibleGateway.com's Verse of the Day is the following passage from the Book of Galatians (presented in my preferred King James Version as well as the New International Version for the purposes of simplification): Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that … Continue reading Galatians Anonymous
It's difficult to tell how I should feel about things right now, and that alone is a concern. The longer I am on Seroquel and Zoloft the better my behavior has gotten... to a degree. I still haven't mastered the timing of when I take the Seroquel, which I use to help me sleep amid … Continue reading 20 Days Abstinent, 7 Days Doped
I started Seroquel (quetiapine) a few nights ago to help me sleep. Before that I was serving myself a strange little cocktail of Southern Comfort with diphenhydramine and a melatonin chaser. Without taking anything at bedtime my thoughts just keep racing and sleep won't happen unless I'm absolutely exhausted. The Seroquel more than did it's … Continue reading 15 Days Sober – A Trade-Off?
Hello, My Name Is Steve 